CAMP OF DICTATORS
Official Worldwide Headquarters · Established 1996
★ EST. MCMXCVI ★ NEVER DEFEATED ★
Born under a perfect alignment of stars and uncooperative grandparents, El Comandante Bambino ascended to power at the age of three and a half, after a brief but decisive coup against the family living-room remote. Since that historic afternoon, the Comandante has personally annexed six (6) continents, the upstairs hallway, the entire treehouse network, and an unspecified region of the freezer rumored to contain ice cream.
The Comandante is fluent in three languages, two of which he has invented. He has never lost an argument, never eaten his vegetables under duress, and has personally signed over 14,000 official decrees, all of them final.
"Resistance is impolite. Resistance is brief." — El Comandante, age 4.
By the unbreakable authority vested in the Ever-Reigning Supreme Leader, the following decree is hereby in force across all 47 occupied territories. Compliance is non-optional. Disobedience will be answered with strongly-worded looks.
Updated quarterly by the Cartography Division (one (1) cousin with a globe).
Selected from the official record. The full archive runs to 47 volumes and is kept in the linen closet.
| Year | Engagement | Outcome |
|---|---|---|
| Loading the official record... | ||
The chest of El Comandante bears the following medals, each personally awarded to himself by himself, in a deeply moving ceremony.
By the wisdom of El Comandante, all senior posts are held by trusted (mostly four-legged) advisors.
You are loyal citizen number:
00000000
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